Cypriot Tales – Introduction

“A satirical account of life as a Cypriot”

Looking back as I grow older, being of Cypriot descent and growing up in the UK must be one of the most interesting, educational, emotionally and socially challenging experiences you could possibly imagine. So here we go, I’ve got so much crap to tell you, that you it will literally send SHIVERS down the spines of an entire community!

Uncle Andreas, or Kostas or someone called something like that (the type who offers to drive you to the Marina in his ‘MERCENDEZ’ (the Greeklish nickname for a Mercedes) then take you round the island on his brother’s boat….got the picture? Well, I can tell you a few stories about flash upstarts like him, on reading this the wife who would probably file for divorce, well she would do if keeping up appearances were not more important than principle, his family will probably be in a screaming conference over a cup of muddy coffee, oops, I meant to say Turkish Coffee’ OMG………did I say Turkish Coffee?  Shame on me, I meant CYPRIOT COFFEE, yes, that’s it (isn’t that stuff horrid, I’ll tell you what, Starbucks need not worry)

The fallout from a Cypriot family humiliation is hard to articulate in any comprehensible manner that you ‘non Cypriots’ could possibly decipher, we are talking self-sacrifice and skulduggery to the extreme, just to preserve reputation…….as you will soon find out.

“Son, you are not just a fool, your are fool complete!”

So here we are, ready to hear some really interesting Cypriot tales, oh….and if any of you think that all of these tales are about perfect little me, then all I can say is, NOT TELLING YOU! Well that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

There is a saying that rings in the ears of EVERY Cypriot like a bad case of Tinnitus, Cypriots live and die by this saying, they might live on fresh air and drive a flash car, beat the kids, beat the wife or even beat themselves, and that my friends is the saying “Ti Tha Pi O Kosmos” (what will people say)  just writing those words has put my blood pressure up because I heard those words many times throughout my life, but as a child, they were either preceded by, or followed by a “Patso” (to you my non-Cypriot friends, that means a slap!)

“Antonki, come held the ladder so I don’t fell down!”

That sums it up for this part really, but I have so much more to say, so many different stories, most of them funny, some of them sad and a few are even tragic, but in the end, they will define this Island race that is the Cypriots. You may at this point be completely oblivious to the social politics of being Cypriot of course, if you are a ‘ksenos’ (foreigner) but if you are Cypriot, then I would expect you to be reading with a tentative apprehension and trepidation at the very thought of what I may say, who I may mention, what naughty little antics will I share with the world, and whether or not you are going to make a ‘guest appearance’ in one of my tales? Who knows, you’ll just have to wait and see!

Please feel free to share, like, comment or even message me with your own ‘Confessions of a Cypriot’

Back soon!

 

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